AWARDS SHOW MANIA: GRAMMYS

HAY so I know the Grammy's were a week ago,

but school has been beating me up.

What I love about the Grammy's is how totally strange everyone dresses.

They aren't trying to look red carpet ready, they are trying to attract attention,

and since Lady Gaga stepped onto the scene, things have been even more Buckwild.

Here we go!

Nicki Minaj

it appears that marie antoinette married frankenstein...

and got cast in the Broadway revival of Cats

Ricki Martin

What else would he wear but metallic silver pants?

Shake your bon bon baby.

Cyndi Lauper

aka Draco Malfoy's hooker grandma

Rihanna

so THIS is how one dresses up for Christmas Barbados...

Hayley Williams

proving once and for all that orange and pink do not go together...

how much does she look like one of Cher's cleaning appliances?

Justin Bieber

(in WHITE VELVET)

looks just like an adolescent Colonol Sanders

I want some chicken.

Katy Perry

going full glitterati mermaid:

in a sparkle bra and a shiny table cloth,

and with wings that make it look like she farted a cloud...

It feels like this was created by a 4 year old

Snooki

a toned down, more elegant version of her hair,

classy makeup,

and a sexy dress that still leaves her covered...

I'm impressed!

not crazy about the silly shoulders,

but I'll take what I can get

Selma Blair

Maybe I just love baby bellys,

but this Lanvin dress is beautiful and looks so comfortable

I'm not quite sure why she was at the Grammy's though...

Florence Welch

This is the most beautiful dress of the night.

Handcrafted Givenchy Haute Couture,

it is stunning and different-

just like Ms. Welch herself.

(click HERE for more information on this incredible couture collection)

Now I know you all wanna know my opinion, so here it is:

I'm so over Lady Gaga. Girl, you bore me.

I'm not even going to post a picture of you.

Its like, whatever you crazy costume doll-

Showing up at the awards show in a Land Before Time status egg,

tryna be all innovative...

Honey, its been done.

For anyone who ever watched Nickelodeon's All That

Li'l Embryo and Li'l Fetus were entertaining in incubation 14 years ago

"Yo yo yo yo EMBRYO!"

You want weird and shocking?

Check out THIS South African Group

I apologize for the delay-

THE OSCARS ARE IN A WEEK!!!!

<3

Claire

VMA's

Ok, so I didn't actually watch them- but I don't even have access to a television!

However, I have been browsing videos and pictures online and here are a few of my thoughts:

First of all, Taylor Swift-

you stopped making good songs a while ago,

being barefoot on stage seems dangerous,

and you revel in your innocence a little too much.

I get that you are a role model,

but girl get over it, you are 20.

Being classy and being lame are two different things

As for you Kanye-

your music is awesome...

so I guess I have to just let you keep existing.

Katy Perry-

for a while you just annoyed me,

but while you sound like you are throwing up when you sing,

your songs continue to be fun and catchy,

and you have stopped trying to look like Betty Boop on acid

I LOVED:

your hair

(just like mine!)

DELIGHTFUL eyebrows

nails

(with Russel Brands face on them!)

and your titty tattoo dress

(like Berit's prom dress- round 1- gone skanktastic!)

however the shoes were a meh.

very homecoming of '06.

oh... you too Alice- I mean Ashley Green

Lady Gaga-

Your arrival dress was breathtaking.

Alexander McQueen, plus the beautiful makeup...

You for once didn't look like you were trying to hide,

you were gracious, fun, genuine,

"They asked me to cut so much out,

but I refused because we were BORN THIS WAY BABY!"

and I loved that you were bringing attention

-through your escorts-

to soldiers who were discharged from service for being gay.

But then you wore meat,

and became irrelevant to me once again.

There is no point to 90% of the things you do.

Especially next to Cher,

who is way more talented.

Speaking of which-

HOLY CANOLI

she looks great for a 60 year old!

Justin Timberlake-

Dude, sucks for you.

Tonight was supposed to be a comeback of sorts,

and you showed up in the exact same outfit as JB.

(apparently so did Usher...)

Sorry dude.

you just got upstaged some 16 year old Youtube star.

Looks like you ain't the only Justin in town anymore.

As for Justin Beiber-

What a little playa!

And lucky for me, he is losing that baby face little by little-

pretty soon it won't be creepy for me to crush on him anymore!

Ke$ha-

your dress was made out of garbage bags?

wasn't it sweaty?

you didn't win anything- wanna know why?

because you are just stupid drunk slut.

If you are gonna rock the black mini,

do it like Emma Stone

I'd do her.

As for a few of my favorite fashions of the night:

Miranda Cosgrove,

who I actually really dislike,

wore the most EXQUISITE little blue thing!

Haley Williams of Paramore

wore such a CUTE Miu Miu number

Ciara looked suuuper sexy in this Givenchy creation,

I just wish she had passed on the moon shoes.

And,

best of all,

was Florence of Florence and the Machine-

figure flattering,

gorgeous on her skin and hair,

beautifully constructed and just the perfect about of odd (zip up?)

oh, and

Snooki-

your dress belongs in a landfill,

but I WANT YOUR SHOES

k well,

I should go study

<3

Claire